***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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