I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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