I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize