No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
