My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
These tits shall not be calmed
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
