I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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