I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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