i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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