do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
