Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
