Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
