You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
