We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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