Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
