why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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