I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It's blow job season.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
