On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I faked an abortion last night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
