I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
