I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
