You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
