apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
