my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
