if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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