god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
