I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
