WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
