I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
