Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize