Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
