i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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