i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Randomize