so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
