That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
