First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
