Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
