I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
