We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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