can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize