Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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