You work out of a Hotel?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
