I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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