you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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