i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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