it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
