White coat. Heels.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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