If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
