would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
