Need sex. Gaining weight.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What drink are we having for lunch?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
