oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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