just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.