I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's