It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s