i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
