butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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