I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize