i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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