So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
