someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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