I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
