Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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