So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
