i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
