Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
