Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
