Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
