don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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