"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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