If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
