Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
