Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
