When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize