sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize