$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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